I have been biting my tongue on this subject for freaking ages. But you know what, in the last month alone 4 people close to me have been in the middle of these type of scenarios and frankly it’s frustrating the absolute hell out of me.
Whether you decide to have a child with someone, or things happen and you are unexpectedly welcomed into the parenting world, you have a child and a responsibility to ensure that child has the best opportunities in life.
Now, you can consume yourself in the breast vs bottle debate, or argue parenting styles ’til the cows come home. But what isn’t up for debate is that the child had NO choice in being welcomed into the world, and the child deserves to be no part in the disputes you have with the other half of their DNA.
Yet, repeatedly I am seeing parents chanting their parenting mantras as gospel and declaring they are the best and everyone should follow suit, yet on the flipside denying the other biological entity any involvement, or fluctuating involvement based on how they are getting along as adults. Or even just denying any responsibility for the child.
THE CHILD IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS.
What part of that is unclear? If the child is safe with both parenting parties, why is it wrong to give them contact? And even if there are concerns we have contact centres… there are solutions.
Is it not our responsibility as parents to go out of our way to ensure they have everything they are entitled to? And speaking from an adoption background where little is known, knowing who your birth family is and having regular contact is key to being able to accept your identity, the very integral parts of who you are.
Hell, I know that none of these people who are having issues has done anything half as bad as what my children have been through, and yet I still prioritise making sure our letters are sent to birth family (not just the birth parents I may add, extended family too), not just once but a few times a year, and not just letters, but personalised art work for each recipient too. And that is prioritised above anything else in life besides the children’s immediate needs. If I can do that, and have to fight for everything else I can, knowing what I know about life events, and put my thoughts to one side for the sake of the children being able to have their identity accepted, I am positive that not a single one of you holding your child to ransom has a leg to stand on.
It genuinely makes me feel physcially sick.
I don’t care who is offended by this. I have, in all honesty, fallen out with friends who use their child against their ex. I won’t stand around and watch it happening. It is disgusting.