Another night of no sleep with a child refusing to, in order to manipulate and control. A fear response. They aren't in control, they are not safe, an adult cannot provide safety. So manipulate adults in to getting what you want (note, the want and not need there). What they need is sleep... not this … Continue reading Raw, unfiltered, unedited: Sleep deprivation and manipulation.
So. Caitlin was given a wheelchair just before Christmas, which was a massive relief because, frankly, I just can't keep lugging her around in a toddler carrier - she's not heavy as such, but she's getting long and so it is very awkward. And, in all honesty, it's kinda sad for her, she's very independent … Continue reading Labels and things
NB, This was also written before my laptop broke so posting retrospectively Breakthroughs, transitions, ups and downs... busy chaos. Pleasant and shifting. Time consuming and exhausting. But sometimes, glimmers of the things that could be closer to the "normal" we dream of, and hope for. Our life goes like this at times, we just have … Continue reading Can I not just divide myself into several persons?
NB. This one was written but seemingly never posted... It's been a little while since I posted - major reasons for that: Agency causing friction between us and the landlord, landlord turns up confrontational, tell children to go upstairs (to the safe comfort of their rooms) - too late, damage done, complete and outright refusal... … Continue reading A quick update Jan 18
We chose to rent as opposed to mortgage, prior to adoption, as we weren't sure what the children's needs were going to be and whether we would need to move etc. But also because, although it would add financial pressure... it would take the stress out of problems "it's someone else's responsibility". Not to disrespect … Continue reading Ugh! Renting was supposed to be helpful!!!
It's hard to think that a child as young as 4 or 5 could be so ashamed of themselves (their actions, or even their identity) that they'd physcially harm themselves. But, it really does happen. And it really is hard to witness. I don't want to sit here and tell people how to deal with … Continue reading Parenting a self harming child
A very unusual thing happened this week... and I felt I needed to write about it. To have it documented in history. I got to actually relax, not for 5 minutes. Not with a child attached to me. Not trying to do my own thing whilst a child is getting hugged for over an hour... … Continue reading That doesn’t feel right…
So, one of the children has struggled with sleep from the outset, one of them has issues every now and again. And as they are both children who feel extra vulnerable at night time, due to the way their history has played out, they both find it extra hard to seek the help they need … Continue reading Why won’t you just sleep? Please!!!!
So... looking forward to the coming year, I feel more hopeful than I have in a while... yes I know "it's the New Year feeling"... no it isn't. This is the first in several that has felt hopeful: illness with unknown cause and chronic pain, redundancy, adoption agency drama, knowing the fate of my motherhood … Continue reading 2018: Looking forward part 1
So 2017. What have you added to our Pleasant Chaos? Well Stress Destruction Intimidation Ill health Death Loss Battles - copious physcially exhausting, and mentally draining battles Personal challenges You brought your A game to topple us, but Life, my old chum, you should know by now that I am tough. I am fierce. I … Continue reading 2017: Reflections
A Pleasant Chaos 